My boyfriend died on Feb. 18, 2013. I've had three unusual dreams about him that I'd like to believe were visitations from him; they aren’t like regular dreams because in these dreams I am aware he is dead.
(1-2 weeks after Darryl’s death) Darryl and I are waking up from an afternoon nap. After a while, he says, “OK, get up, let’s go.” I reply, “Darryl, you’re dead.” I run my hands through his hair, aware he is dead, but he doesn’t feel cold or empty like a corpse.
(6/21/13)Darryl and I were driving in his Passat. I commented on how much better I liked his car than mine. When I told him I’d decided to keep it for myself, he replied, “See, this has turned out to be a win-win for both of us.” I thought that it was hardly an equal comparison — losing him versus gaining a car. I thought to myself, “This is really great, having Darryl here with me; if it can be like this, then his being dead won’t be so bad.” But I stopped myself, realizing that’s not how it works when people die.
Later, we were lying on our backs and I remember feeling the waffle weave of his polo shirt and the skin on his arm. I just kept thanking him for coming to me because I knew it wasn’t normal. I continued to hold him and although he wasn’t cold like a corpse, I knew he wasn’t alive. I wondered if he would still be there if I turned on the light. I didn’t want to wake up and end it.
(8/12/13)Darryl and I were in a crowded place. He was waiting for me and put his arm around me and kissed me hello. I wanted to ask him how these after-death meetings work; could others see him, or did it look like I was kissing the air. But then he was gone.
Eleven has always been a significant number for me, especially since my birthday is on the 11th. I often glance at the clock at exactly eleven after the hour, which some believe is a communication from beyond, perhaps from angels reminding us that things are OK. Now when it happens I smile and say “Hi” to Darryl. I had a special experience that Christmas. In MN our license plates are comprised of three letters and three numbers. So if I am to see an 11 on a license plate it will usually be a number like 311 or 113. I was feeling pretty down, missing Darryl on Christmas Day and sad that I hadn’t had any dream contact with him in a long time. I considered staying home in bed and not going to my brother's house for Christmas dinner, but I forced myself to go. On my drive there, I found myself at a stoplight behind an SUV with a personalized license plate: 4MY1111. It made me smile and feel a little better. I'd like to think it was my Christmas present from Darryl.
January 8, 2015