My Mother died very suddenly in 1997. She was 62 years old. There was no accident, no lingering illness, no strange happenstance. She just went to sleep one night and woke up in the loving arms of God.

I was so bitter that I blamed everyone. How dare God take my mother! To my shame I turned from my prayers and my faith for quite some time. But no matter how angry I was, I always felt the presence of God because I spoke to him often. I would say things like, "If you cared about me, you'd send me some kind of sign." For this sign, I waited and waited.

My Mother was always close to my children. She was your typical overindulgent Grandma. As a matter of fact, she was sort of the "Grandma" figure to many children, not just her biological ones. I should have been looking for my signs in these children because not only were they there, they fairly screamed in my face. But I was angry that those signs were not directed at me and so I just didn't notice them.

One day my daughter and I were sitting in my kitchen. She had some sort of crisis that she was telling me about. She had been crying and was very upset about this particular thing when all of the sudden she stopped in mid-sentence and took a deep breath. Her tears stopped and she looked me directly in the face and said, "Mom, its gonna be okay, Grandma's here. Smell her?" Sure enough, I took a deep breath and all I could smell was my mother's rose-scented perfume. Of course, I looked for the obvious explanation: nearby rose bushes, an air freshener, etc. There was nothing. That's when I started listening to what my children and the others who thought of her as "Grandma" were saying to me.

You see, my Mother had loved her gardening. Her favorite flowers were yellow roses. My brother had set out several rose bushes for her before she died, bushes which had never bloomed. But the year that she died, there were 62 blooms on the rose bushes, a bloom for every year of her life! My nephew told me not to be sad anymore. He said, "Aunt Katie, you know that Grandma died on Nanny's birthday. [Nanny was my mother-in-law.] They were such good friends that God gave Nanny a birthday present."

Right now, I can look out my kitchen window and see a spray of yellow roses that no one planted, on the other side of the fence. At the worst possible times in my life, I hear her voice softly speak my name. Just a whisper, but in my heart I know it's there. I feel her presence all around me, urging me to do the things that I should and not to do the things that I shouldn't. I thank God every day for the signs that I didn't see.

His blessings upon you and all who read this letter.

Katie- 3-1-04

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