a particular dream or vision that still brings me to tears
and causes me to shake when I speak of it. In my junior year
of high school, one of my good friends died in a car accident
on October 30th around 10 a.m. He and I were very close, talking
all the time mainly because we were both struggling with depression
and looked to each other for support.
night after his death I would have a dream involving him.
One time, I was walking into what had been our English class
and I saw him sitting in his seat. In this dream I knew he
had already passed on and I was confused why no one else seemed
to notice. I called to him, cried out to him, but he just
smiled at me, as if it were his yearbook picture or something.
Dreams like this haunted me over and over again. When he was
in my dreams, he would look at me with that same picture-like
of weeks later, my family and I were in the car during a Thanksgiving
trip to NY. My brother and sister were playing the card game
"War." This is where it gets confusing - either
something reminded me of a dream I had the night before, or
I was suddenly swept into a reverie-like vision. I was in
one of the buildings on my high school campus that I used
to hang out in before classes started. I turned to my right
and, as people dispersed, I saw my friend standing there against
the wall. It was so real I cannot even begin to describe the
feeling. He was looking at me, smiling, his eyes so alive.
him by name, I asked, "Is that you?" Tears welled
up in his eyes and he smiled wider, slightly nodding his head.
I ran up to him and hugged him. I felt him! He was there in
my arms, as happy as I was that he was with me. I could feel
the tears that rolled from his cheeks falling on my shoulder.
That's when he told me (not really out loud, but somehow in
my mind), "I'm still here." He was there for only
a second longer. As we pulled away from each other, the scene
back in the car with tears obscuring my sight. I was in shock
at how real the whole scene had been. I looked at the time
- 10:03 a.m. Suddenly, I realized that it was November 30th,
exactly a month after he was killed. Although I don't know
his actual time of death, it is no coincidence that it was
around that approximate time.
have a dream about him after that vision. I feel that he came
back to let me know that he would still be with me to help
me through my struggles. I miss him desperately, but I'm so
glad that I was able to see him one more time.
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May 23, 2007