I had known my step-sister, Haley, since she was three. To me, she could have been my blood relative. I left Texas when I was nineteen and Haley was only about seven. I didn't stay in touch with my family as much as I should have, and I still feel guilty to this day, since I missed out on a lot of Haley's life. But I tried to visit once a year. When she won a local beauty pageant, I was so proud of her. I showed her pageant pictures to people at work, and everyone told me how beautiful she was.

On November 4, 2002, I got a call from my dad. He told me that Haley, who had just turned eighteen, had been in an accident and was in a coma. At this point, I was living in Pennsylvania and they were in Texas. Six days later, Dad told me that they were going to run tests to see if there were any signs of life and, if not, he'd call me back so I could say goodbye to her.

I sat in my room waiting, with the phone in my hand. I was thinking of all the things I wanted to say to Haley. Three hours later he called back. When the phone rang, I ran out to my truck so I'd have a "sound proof booth" where I could speak just to Haley and not worry about who would hear me. He held the phone to Haley's ear and I started crying. I told her I loved her and I was sorry that I couldn't see her, but that she was going to be an angel, a beautiful angel. At that point I started crying too hard to speak, so my dad promised to call me later. When I closed my phone, the time was 4:44.

Later I had a dream. In my dream I was with my dad and Haley. We were at an old-fashioned arcade and were having a great time. In the dream, I walked over to where my dad was sitting and I was talking to him as if I knew that Haley had already died and that this was our "one more day" that God had given us to spend with her. And I knew that at the end of the day she was going to die again. I asked him if I could tell her what was going to happen. He told me no, but he said I could go tell her how much I loved her.

I walked up to her and said her name. She turned around and I started crying and telling her that I loved her so much, that I was proud of her, and that I was sorry I hadn't been there for so long, etc. She hugged me and I can't describe how real she felt. I could feel how soft her shirt was, I could smell her hair, she felt warm and soft. It was the most "real" dream I've ever had. When I opened my eyes in the morning, all I could think of was the dream. I felt at peace because Haley had come to me and I knew she didn't blame me for not being there.

In May 2003 I finally was able to make the trip from PA to TX. I stood at the foot of Haley's grave and I was sobbing. She was physically here in this place but I'd never hug her again. All I wanted to do was hug her. I had my hands over my face and I was crying pretty hard. All of a sudden I felt an embrace. I felt arms around me. I could feel where they were crossing over my arms and touching my back. It didn't last long but I remember I abruptly stopped crying and just enjoyed the sensation of being hugged. I knew that something amazing was happening, and I concentrated on just being open to it and enjoying it while it lasted.

Donna Sabol
Please respond to john@beyondreligion.com

Posted May 10, 2007