My mother died suddenly four years ago without my having the chance to say good bye. I never got to tell her just how much I had loved her, as my mother suffered from a debilitating illness that left her mental status compromised.

I was so devastated at my loss that at times I felt the world was spinning around me and I could barely walk. I could not cry and I did not know how to release my emotions. Guilt was my barrier.

Three nights after her passing, she came to me in a dream-like state. It was my mother but a much younger version, a person I had never known. She was dressed in a white shirt with blue jeans that were rolled up. Her brown hair was pulled back into a pony tail and her face was youthful. She was not alone in her visitation with me; there was someone with her to help guide her through. Even with her appearance so drastically changed, I knew it was my mother as she looked into my face.

I turned towards her and spoke but not with words; we seemed to communicated with thoughts. I started to tell her how sorry I was that I was not there when she died and she opened her arms and I fell into her hug. We seemed to melt together in love. There was forgiveness, peace and understanding in her presence. I felt for the first time in my life I was meeting my mother. I had never felt so much love and peace before. I cry even now at the beauty of the experience.

I awoke and I looked at the clock. It was 2:45 a.m. I felt a presence in the room and I knew my mother was there with me. Finally I could cry and release all my sorrow in a healing manner. My mother's final gift to me was release and forgiveness. I knew she was gone, but not really. I know she has moved on to a higher plane because as she held me, I sensed that this was a temporary good-bye. She was guided by the other presence to move onward.

I know I will see my mother again when she comes for me when my time to leave this earth arrives. It gives me peace and joy to know we live on in a different plane and I am not afraid.

Bonnie Perez
popi407@aol.com
Posted 12-30-03