When I was 16 years old, I was in my bed one night next to a window. I looked up at the sky and marveled at how vast the universe was and yet, how lonely it seemed. I started talking to God, telling Him how I felt. I had begun to wonder if God really existed, because of all the pain in the world. How could it be God's "will" for my neighbor, a little girl of twelve, to be confined in a wheel chair for her entire life while I could run, dance and do cart wheels? This made no sense to me.

What about all the times I had prayed for my Dad to stop drinking? Nothing had changed. I asked, "Don't you hear me God? Have you ever? Why, oh why, do we have young boys fighting in Viet Nam? Why the Holocaust?" How could He allow all these atrocities if He were so powerful and loved us so much?

I cried hot tears as I talked. I told Him that if He didn't exist, I would rather not have been born. What would be the purpose? Just to live and die? And that ached my heart so much it was like a hand crushing it. I told Him that if I were He I would, with a wave of my hand, take all the pain from the world. There would be no hunger, no wars, no sickness, only love. So, why didn't he do all this if he were so powerful? I poured out my heart to him until I was completely spent. I had had my say and I was done.

Suddenly I felt as though someone was watching me. I raised my head to look around but no one was there. The feeling became more intense and I raised my head up higher. And much to my absolute surprise a bright light was bouncing along my ceiling.

I sensed a feminine essence. She was astoundingly beautiful, a circular light with no edges or boundaries, She was intensely bright and twinkling like millions of diamonds or Fourth of July sparklers, only much, much brighter. Yet the light didn't hurt my eyes. And her light cast no shadows as she bounced along my ceiling. She appeared to be about the size of a basketball and I could sense eternity within her light.

I felt in awe at what I was seeing. I had not asked for a sign. I had been taught that to ask for a sign was a sin. So, this was most unexpected. I sensed her message: "Be joyful! God has heard you! He loves you! You are precious to Him!" All this and more was wrapped up in her love-filled light. It was like she was dancing, dancing with joy. And I felt her joy...she gave me her joy.

I had absolutely no doubt that I was wide awake. I knew immediately that what I saw was actually happening and that it was real. I watched for a few seconds and then squeezed my eyes shut. When I opened them again, she was gone. Still, I knew she had been real. I jumped from my bed, ran to my Mom's bedroom and woke her from a sound sleep. I was crying tears of joy as I told her, "Mom! God was in my bedroom!!"

After that, I had no doubts about God -- whether He existed and if he heard prayers. Later, I realized it wasn't actually God. He had sent a messenger, an Angel of Light. I was truly blessed that night. Whenever I flounder or have doubts, even to this day, I remember that night and I know that God is real, that He hears our prayers and that He is with us.

Sage
sage04@myway.com

Posted 11-27-04