One evening, in April 1994, I had been meditating and practicing a breathing exercise which involved circulating a stream of white light, followed by a stream of black light, from the solar plexus throughout the rest of the body. My boyfriend at the time had bought me a book of exercises and rituals from western magickal tradition and I was eager to try them. Just before falling asleep, I went into a deep trance and on a journey that seemed to last for days.

I was suddenly aware of myself as a ball of light. Somehow, this did not seem strange. A companion, also in the form of an orb, was at my side, as if to guide me. We sped forward through the stars. I was aware of a rushing roar as of a great wind with bright lights streaming past. I knew in a flash that time, space, and the physical dimension were irrelevant -- the size of a great sun 50 million light years away was the same "size" in God's mind as a tiny pebble.

My orb companion and I heard music pulsing from all of the great orbs around us -- incandescent haunting harmonies and voices of every tone from soprano to deep bass -- all singing and balancing each other in a great Music. I realized these were stars singing, but again this did not seem strange. [I thought much later of the phrase, "The Music of the Spheres."]

Suddenly, after some other experiences, it seemed my time was up. It felt like a great weight pulling all of my cells back together to reform into my human body. It felt sad -- I was disappointed to be sucked back down to Earth, even if it was my home. It felt boxed-in again to carry the weight of gravity and the human form.

I woke up with tears streaming down my face but wasn't aware I'd been crying. I remember feeling I'd been gifted with a great revelation -- I knew that if this were what "death" was like, I didn't fear it.

I stumbled into the living room of my small apartment, disoriented. My then-boyfriend asked me what was wrong. I tried to explain the experience but could find no words.

I didn't speak or write about it for a year. My boyfriend told me later that the night I had my vision he'd tried unsuccessfully to wake me. He said I had only been in bed about thirty minutes: my skin was cold, my breathing was very slow and quiet, and I looked "dead."

This was the strangest but most viscerally real experience I've ever had, awake or asleep. I've tried to enter the state of consciousness to enable me to have that experience again, but no success.

Debra

Posted 2-26-11