When I was an infant I felt like I was somewhat of an adult in an infant's body. I spoke adult thoughts to myself inside my head while still in the crib. I have a clear memory of what I will term a very nice older man. He seemed to be behind me and to my right and he calmed my apprehensiveness about being born again by reassuring me over and over that “it never ends."
We communicated through thought - not words - and I remember distinctly communicating to him "but what if I fail?" He very comfortingly responded over and over "it never ends - it never, never, EVER ends."
I thought it really doesn't matter what happens in this life because "life never ends.” I felt very relaxed and serene with that knowledge.
Years later my mother commented to me more than once "you were my best baby - you never cried." I remember her cutting my meat when I was a toddler still in my highchair and then pulling the chair up closer to the dinner table where everyone else was eating. I seemed to know, "Oh, she wants me to feel included," and I liked that feeling.
I remember my first shaky steps in the living room when my two older sisters were sitting on the floor playing together. My parents were in the kitchen and my sister screamed out to them, "she's walking!" Just then she gave me a little push on the shoulder with one finger and I fell. I was furious! I screamed and cried ferociously. How dare she ruin my first steps right in front of our parents? I got myself back up with some effort and mother yelled at her and said, "Leave her alone!" I remember feeling some satisfaction in that fact - lol
At 50 I know peace and contentment of spirit after years of soul-searching.
Posted April 26, 2014
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