I have always had a fear of horses I couldn't explain. I have gone horseback riding many times in an attempt to overcome that fear. I always figured that I was intimidated by them simply because they were so big in comparison to myself. I couldn't understand why even the most docile horses would inexplicably react weird around me. On two occasions, they actually bolted while I was on board, as though they sensed my fear. Although I wanted to understand horses, it always took some doing to go horseback riding. I was forever fighting this fear, but I had no idea where it came from.

Then, I had a spontaneous past-life recall. I remembered a time when I was walking down a covered boardwalk in a small town out west somewhere, perhaps the "old west." I recall walking on the wooden slats that formed the sidewalk, and realizing that you had to step down a good foot into the main street, which was merely a dirt road through the tiny town I lived in.

I was aware that while I was under the overhang in front of the row of shops, I was out of the hot noonday sun, and it was a welcomed relief. Still, I needed to cross the street on the diagonal to greet a man, whom I took to be my husband at the time. I was wearing a full hooped skirt with a tight bodice, and I believe I wore a bonnet.

In my excitement to cross the street to greet him, I stepped down off the boardwalk, and was immediately struck down by a stage coach with a team of six horses. I looked to my left as I took a step or two into the street, then realized that it was inevitable that I would be struck.

I don't recall hearing the stagecoach approaching, but I should have been able to; perhaps I assumed that they were going to stop. I don't know. I don't recall being hit, but I certainly remember the fear that I felt for the millisecond before I was trampled to death. I am sure that the entire team and the stagecoach ran over me.

That spontaneous recall helped me to understand my lingering fear of horses to this day. I yearn to understand them but my contact with horses remains remote as I live in a large city and only see horses on rare occasions. I still ride occasionally, but to this day I am afraid of being out of control, since I know just how strong those animals are.

Loretta Miller

scripttv@earthlink.net

Posted April 25, 2004