I went to a hypnotherapist to overcome my fear of public speaking, which I had to do in connection with my work. She put me under so that we could go back to my childhood when this fear was embedded.

As she started to take me down, I became extremely sad. I was crying so much that the pillow beneath me became soaked with tears. I started to feel a sense of floating above a scene. I saw a dirt road on which a huge old fashioned black car was driving. Behind the car, standing in the road, was a woman, inconsolably sobbing. I realized that the woman was me!

I felt the dust in my throat and started coughing. I was wearing worn-out cotton clothing and I felt the wind tearing at my clothes. I was so alone! When the therapist asked me why I was so sad, I told her in a voice which was very different from minutes before, "He stole my baby, he took my son!"

I had slipped, not into my childhood, but to a whole different lifetime. It was mind-blowing, because when I had been in the hospital after having my baby, I was terrified that someone was going to take my child. The doctors and nurses thought I was nuts, but I was actually reacting to what had happened to me in that previous life.

As the session flowed on, I saw myself working in an old-fashioned restaurant. I spent hours in this kitchen that had a long shallow sink which was attached to a red brick wall. I then found my self in a house with a man whom I believe was the same man who had sold my baby. He was very abusive and brutal. I was taken outside after being beaten and raped and placed under a wooden porch. He nailed me inside so I couldn't escape.

Later, he returned, pulled me from under the porch and took me to a carriage house which was red and like a small barn with a dirt floor. He picked up a spade and proceeded to bash my scull in. I suddenly had no more panic. I felt myself rising above my body and was ecstatic finally to be free. I watched as he dug a deep hole in the dirt floor and buried my body.

The strange thing is that I have always had nightmares about a spade. I would be in the shower or doing something mundane and I would reach for a towel, but instead of a towel bar there would be a spade. I never understood it until that day. After that, my spade dreams faded.

Penny Krier

Posted June 19, 2009