went to a hypnotherapist to overcome my fear of public
speaking, which I had to do in connection with my work.
She put me under so that we could go back to my childhood
when this fear was embedded.
she started to take me down, I became extremely sad.
I was crying so much that the pillow beneath me became
soaked with tears. I started to feel a sense of floating
above a scene. I saw a dirt road on which a huge old
fashioned black car was driving. Behind the car, standing
in the road, was a woman, inconsolably sobbing. I realized
that the woman was me!
felt the dust in my throat and started coughing. I was
wearing worn-out cotton clothing and I felt the wind
tearing at my clothes. I was so alone! When the therapist
asked me why I was so sad, I told her in a voice which
was very different from minutes before, "He stole
my baby, he took my son!"
had slipped, not into my childhood, but to a whole different
lifetime. It was mind-blowing, because when I had been
in the hospital after having my baby, I was terrified
that someone was going to take my child. The doctors
and nurses thought I was nuts, but I was actually reacting
to what had happened to me in that previous life.
As the session flowed on, I saw myself working in an
old-fashioned restaurant. I spent hours in this kitchen
that had a long shallow sink which was attached to a
red brick wall. I then found my self in a house with
a man whom I believe was the same man who had sold my
baby. He was very abusive and brutal. I was taken outside
after being beaten and raped and placed under a wooden
porch. He nailed me inside so I couldn't escape.
Later, he returned, pulled me from under the porch and
took me to a carriage house which was red and like a
small barn with a dirt floor. He picked up a spade and
proceeded to bash my scull in. I suddenly had no more
panic. I felt myself rising above my body and was ecstatic
finally to be free. I watched as he dug a deep hole
in the dirt floor and buried my body.
The strange thing is that I have always had nightmares
about a spade. I would be in the shower or doing something
mundane and I would reach for a towel, but instead of
a towel bar there would be a spade. I never understood
it until that day. After that, my spade dreams faded.
Posted June 19, 2009